No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service!
by goirkens
Summary: We all know that L loves ice cream, but what if the store selling it has one of those "No shirt, No shoes, No service" signs in the window? Will L still be able to get his ice cream? Or does he have to fight for it? And does the task force approve?
1. The Battle Begins

This is an idea that I came up with when thinking about those stores whith signs that say **"No shirt, No shoes, No service"** and I thought, _"What if L tried to buy something from one of those stores?" _Here's what I came up with, enjoy!**_

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**_No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service!_**

The dark-haired detective was sitting in front of his computer screen reading an article stating that a store on the corner of the street was selling a new flavor of ice cream, Chocolate Strawberry Swirl. You should probably know what he's thinking, but if you don't then you wouldn't know of his ambition to put the Kira case on hold so that he could go buy the new flavor, despite how much criticism was going to be thrown his way. Just at that moment, the task force members entered the room as he was getting ready to leave.

"Ryuzaki, where are you going?" asked Matsuda.

"They're selling a new ice cream flavor today." One of the task force members, the one with the afro to be exact, was starting to look a little ticked off.

"You're putting the Kira case on hold just so that you can get some ice cream!?!" A big guy placed his hand on his shoulder.

"Calm down, Aizawa. I'm sure there's a good reason."

"A good reason for what, Mogi? For letting a murderer run rampant just so that he can get some ice cream?" While the two were arguing over the subject, Ryuzaki just walked right past them and called Watari, his faithful butler.

"Watari, get the car ready."

"_Yes sir_." Just as the detective was about to enter the car, he ran into a college-age boy with brown hair.

"Ryuzaki, where are you going?" he asked. Ryuzaki merely glanced at him.

"There is a new flavor of ice cream going on sale today."

"But what about the Kira case?"

"Calm down, Light. I'm just going to get some ice cream." Ryuzaki stepped into the black car that Watari had pulled up.

"Ryuzaki, Kira is still out there!"

"But…Ice cream." As he spoke, the car drove away leaving Light standing in the driveway. A shinigami was floating right next to Light.

"Ha ha ha, I guess L is willing to postpone the Kira case just for ice cream, are you sure you picked the right enemy, Light?" An evil smile spread across Light's face.

"Don't worry, Ryuk, everything is going just as planned."

***

A few minutes later, Watari pulled up to the store that was selling the new ice cream. Ryuzaki stepped out of the car as Watari rolled his window down.

"Are you sure you don't want me to buy it?" he asked.

"It's just ice cream; I'll be back in a few minutes." Ryuzaki closed the door and walked towards the store. He entered the store, every footstep bringing him closer to the ice cream. He walked towards the freezer section where he saw the ice cream that he had put the Kira case on hold for. Just as he was reaching for the new flavor—

"HEY!!! CAN'T YOU READ!?!" The person who spoke was the cashier, who was a fat, grotesque lady with dark hair, a pig-like nose, and possibly some chin hair. Ryuzaki turned to face the thing as it pointed to a sign on the door that read;

**_No Shirt,_**

**_No Shoes,_**

**_No Service_**

"This ain't Anarchy, little man! You need shoes to be in this store!" Ryuzaki looked down at his bare feet, then back at the thing.

"I just want some ice cream!" Before he could blink, he was lifted by the back of his neck and was kicked out into the street.

"Weirdo." said 'it' before snorting. Outside, the detective was getting back to his feet as Watari stepped out of the car.

"Are you alright, Ryuzaki?" He asked.

"I'm fine, Watari. But the 'thing' in there seems to have issues."

"Maybe I should buy the ice cream."

"No, I have an idea." Ryuzaki entered the car. If there was one thing that Watari learned about Ryuzaki, it was the fact that he was childish and hated to lose. Whatever his plan was, this was going to be interesting…

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There's chapter one for you. I was origonally going to make this a oneshot, but my older brother suggested a lot of funny ideas, so it looks like this is going to have a few chapters. I'll updade soon. (Just for the record, I just want to mention that the Cashier is from a show called _Invader Zim _and was origonally a bus driver in the episode _Walk of Doom_)

Please Review!


	2. Operation: IceCream Scooper

Here's chapter 2! In the last chapter, Ryuzaki said that he had an idea on how to get the ice cream. Let's see what his brilliant plan is...

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The thing was sitting on the counter reading a magazine. She was so focused in on it that she didn't notice something come through the back window. That something turned out to be an ice cream scoop. And not just any ice cream scoop, an ice cream scoop fashioned out of random trash and toys. An ice cream scoop that only someone really desperate would be willing to use.

Someone like Ryuzaki.

He moved the handle slightly to the left as to avoid the thing, but he wound up knocking over some potato chip bags. He moved the twenty-foot pole two inches upward to try to regain control, but knocked over some more stuff. Surprisingly, the thing sitting at the front counter didn't even notice any of it.

Ryuzaki was now starting to get the hang of controlling the long ice-cream scooper after he knocked over a few more isles and snacks. He looked through the tiny window so that he could have a clear view of his objective. Ryuzaki moved the pole a few inches to the right and pushed it forward. He knew that he grabbed something, something heavy. He had done it! He had the ice cream!

The detective slowly pulled the ice cream scoop toward him, but at the same time he couldn't contain his excitement. But his excitement faded when he realized that he picked up a little old lady instead of ice cream.

She looked at him blankly through her thin glasses, and he looked back at her. She looked at him, and he looked at her, and she looked at him, and he looked at her.

"Excuse me, sonny, but I-I'd like to be put down now." Ryuzaki put the lady down and she hobbled away. As soon as she walked out of the store, Ryuzaki tried again. This time, he made sure to pay special attention to where the pole was. While he was busy trying to get the ice cream this time, a little boy with white hair and pajamas approached the detective.

"Have you seen my toy robot? I left it on the sidewalk earlier and now it's gone." Ryuzaki's eyes grew wide as he realized that the robot the kid was referring to was used to make this extra long ice cream scoop.

"Uh…no. Maybe you should keep better track of your toys." The kid walked away searching for his toy as the detective kept trying to reach the ice cream. He was confident that he got it this time, but it turned out to be a rattlesnake. (a/n What the heck is a rattlesnake doing in Japan in the first place? How the heck should _I_ know?)

He quickly flung the snake back into the store—and it landed in someone's hair! The person was apparently oblivious to the extra weight and didn't notice until they saw a three year-old kid point at it with his mouth gaping open. This, in turn, caused the person to panic, run out of the store, and get carried off by a giant bird. Everyone in the store was shocked for at least five seconds, and then they just acted as if nothing happened.

Ryuzaki tried _again_ to get his ice cream, but this time, it ended in disaster.

Someone accidentally bumped into the scoop and moved it two inches to the left, which caused it to knock over some Pringles. That seemed like that was it, but _that_ was just the beginning…

The Pringles fell over and landed on the ground. It rolled all the way to the candy section and caused a few packets of pop rocks on the lowest shelf to slide onto the floor. A young man was walking through the section drinking an ICEE and stepped onto the Pop rocks. The slippery packets caused him to slide and crash into the round section in the middle that carried a majority of the energy drinks, sodas, and bottled waters. The force of the crash caused the bottles and cans to roll all over the place. The customers who didn't notice the crash kept stepping on the cylindrical cans and caused a domino effect of people falling over. At least half of them had ICEEs or nachos or some sort of food, so the ground was being plastered in the mixture of unhealthy foods. The creature finally noticed what was going on when its feet were underneath a puddle of nacho cheese and ICEES and other food so that it looked like vomit. It was also at this time it noticed the makeshift ice cream scoop trying to find its way around the store. The thing trudged toward the window the scoop was coming from. Luckily, the dark-haired detective (who was most likely now an embarrassment to the task force) saw the creature coming, so he ditched the contraption. He ran out the back door that he entered through and caught up with Watari a few blocks away.

"Did you get the ice cream?" asked the butler. Ryuzaki shook his head.

"Apparently, I need to come up with a different approach. Tell Light Yagami that I request his help. And notify him to bring the biggest trench coat that he can find." Watari nodded and called the college student as they drove away. If he knew Ryuzaki, this was only the beginning.

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I bet you didn't expect Ryuzaki to be _that _clumzy, did you? Don't worry, his ideas get crazier!

Just in case you didn't notice, Near made a cameo in here.

Please Review!

I also now have a poll up where you can vote on which fanfic you want me to write after I finish this one, Please vote! :)


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